He is my sanctuary.

He is scary yet sweet. Underrated and misunderstood. He can be lonely if we are unable to appreciate him but overwhelming if we let him in for too long. Sometimes his presence is warm and other times it is empty, stale, or cold. He is too important to ignore yet difficult to make a priority. I neither honor nor cherish him appropriately. Although he can be hard to find sometimes, he exists somewhere, always. He is not God. He is silence. And he is my sanctuary.

It has become obvious to me lately that I have a very unstable relationship with silence. Sometimes we do well together and other times we do not get along. It is the times when my own thoughts are so loud I can't concentrate that I realize I am navigating through an 'off-time'. So I have to deliberately refocus...to quiet my thoughts, slow down my mind and breathe in the stillness. But in the busyness of life and the constant urgency that surrounds us, it is hard to find the tranquility and peace he provides. I have only discovered a few circumstances that consistently give me the opportunity to find that peace and quiet. To return to equilibrium. To find my inner balance and strength. And just as in many relationships, I have my ups and downs with him. Sometimes we engage in a power struggle that consumes too much wasted time and energy. And other times we relish in one another's company. But we must continue to work on our relationships with him - because it is he who replenishes our energy for thought, for contemplation and for passion. For life.

The ocean, our Earth's pulse, provides one of those opportunities for me. I love the sound of the waves crashing against the shore, breathing in the Earth's marrow and distinctly breathing it out - over and over again. But it is the moment right before the wave regathers its strength - that sweet moment where everything is still and silent, despite the constant motion - it is that moment that refocuses my mind and silences my urgency. My relationship with him is best when the ocean is our foundation or our backdrop. I feel most alive when I am consumed by the ocean's prodigious presence. And since I am unable to get a daily dose of the ocean to replenish my strength, I have had to search for a similar fix in the routine that is my daily life.

Once in awhile, I go on a run that mimics the feeling the ocean brings. I ascend on a journey with no music and no company...and amidst the hustle of traffic, the hollering trains and the echos of barking dogs - I find the peace that can silence my eagerness. In that stillness, I am able to refocus on what is important while letting go of the heaviness and useless stress that weighs me down.

I am reminded of the beauty life has to offer - even amidst the ugliest of times...you know those times when you leave the stress of work only to go home to a different kind of stress, the times when you wake up and go through fifteen outfits before you decide on one that still doesn't look good or the times when you're uncovering your car buried in snow, swearing at the piercing wind that you thought was behind us for awhile. Beyond that ickiness, there lies potential. Potential to breathe in the fullness of life while breathing out all that holds us back. Because sooner or later, the snow will melt, the stress will fade, the difficulty will be overcome and the days will get longer...

And if you allow yourself to see it - there is beauty in all of it. And he will help you find it.