DISCIPLINE IS FREEDOM

Mikey and I have a lot of great pillow-talk (PT).  It's one of my favorite times of the day - if not the favorite. We often come up with our greatest ideas and plans. And it is definitely the time for our heaviest philosophical debates and deepest conversations. Many of you have been dragged into our most popular debate - whether there are more stars in the sky or grains of sand on Earth. A debate that should no longer be a debate considering I am 100% right. But more often than we discuss stars or sand, we discuss the ah-ha moments we come across in the hours of our days we spend apart. And per Mike's suggestion, I thought it'd be fun to share one concept from PT each week. So, here's a little insight into what goes on during PT in the Wobby Wing of Ytterboe Hall. :)

free-dom, n. the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.

A week ago, I would have described freedom as the absence of restriction - the power of self-determination. To do what we want, when we want to do it. But at Ash Wednesday mass this week, Father Marty implanted an idea about freedom that has turned my conceptualization of it upside down.

I don't often write about faith or religion because it's such a personal thing, but this idea has infiltrated far beyond my religious practices. He said that rather than believing freedom is the ability to do whatever we want, whenever we want it, we should challenge ourselves to accept and honor freedom as the discipline to choose the right thing, over and over again. The discipline to choose the right thing.  I think I could describe freedom using 100 words without ever using discipline. But as I've mentally wrestled with the idea that they do indeed belong together, I've come to understand exactly why discipline is freedom. When we are disciplined to choose the right thing, we are liberated from all that weighs us down. And when we are liberated from all the debris in our way, we are set free.

This is so hard to put into practice. I've been thoughtful about it all week and have realized that consistently finding my strength and discipline to choose to do the right thing takes more intentionality than I would have hoped.  It's not doing the right thing on a large scale that's most difficult, it's the little things throughout my day that challenge me. Choosing the right attitude and response when I bump into a person with whom I struggle to understand and agree, expressing unconditional positive regard when I'm lacking positivity, choosing faith over worry, and asking for truth even among fear and pain. It is these little things that begin to take up residence in my life when stacked together.  But my hope is that this time of Lent will allow me to gather the discipline to transform this season into habit. So that in all things, I find the discipline to do the right thing, over and over again, knowing that it will lead to a freedom I have yet to understand. That is what these 40 days are about - a journey toward the liberation from all that stands in our way from being the truth and light of Christ.

I know that some of the heaviest debris in my life is worry. I worry on a regular basis - where we are going to live a year from now, if I'm ever going to have a healthy baby, if Mike is going to get to and from work safely, when I will have to face the illness of a grandparent, parent or sibling. So, for this Lenten season, I have given up worrying. Every time I begin to have any thoughts of anxiety, anticipation or worry, I offer them to God. And although I am only six days in, I have already been introduced to a new freedom that I am excited to get to know better. Consider the debris that is standing in the way of your freedom and with discipline and patience, choose to remove it, one decision at a time. I pray that you will find a liberation that allows you, too, to live freely and with a peace you have yet to experience.

FLORIDA

I learn so much when I'm on vacation. It must be something about being 1,600 miles away from "life" that allows me to see things so clearly. It's almost as if I'm looking at my daily life out my airplane window. You know the view - where all the cars seem like molecules bouncing around and the miles and miles of highway seem like scars on the flesh of the Earth. Suddenly, my stressors that feel so important become irrelevant when I see how they disappear from my window. Everything else that surrounds me in my life is put into place when I'm able to see the big picture that surrounds it. And as we get higher and higher, all the clarity of the detail fades into the endless sky we're surfing through. 

I love vacation. Not because it is an escape from life. If I felt that I needed to escape from life, I would know that I'm doing the wrong work. If I can't find meaning in everything, I don't see purpose. If we find ourselves living each day, working towards vacation, we're missing the point. Vacation is a great reminder that we need to take care of ourselves. It's really hard to do when we become engulfed in all the stresses, pressures, deadlines, and dramas that surround us. But because I'm in a field that preaches taking care of ourselves and making health and wellness a priority, I have found a moral obligation to practice it. And I understand that we cannot go to Florida for a week each month, but we can find ways to take mini-vacations until we have the opportunity to take whatever break we get. 

Running, writing, photography, and my faith all serve as mini-vacations for me. They keep me focused on the bigger picture until I am able to get my dose of perspective from my time on the beach. We can all find or create personal vacations in our daily routines. If we don't, I fear that we will become trapped in the bubbles that protect and separate us, making it nearly impossible to see through them in order to be mindful about how our bubble fits into this world. And when we lose sight of our place, pessimism settles in, becoming a close companion, making the little joys no longer special. Breaks allow us to be reminded of the little joys in our routine that we would otherwise learn to no longer appreciate or notice. 

We were lucky enough to spend a week in Florida, being reminded of the excitement Mickey Mouse can do for a spirit - even to an adult, the peace that the sound of the ocean breathing provides, the joy of daily Florida blood oranges, and how a place 1,600 miles away can feel so much like home. We had such an incredible time. 

I gave Mike a Disney package for Christmas so we spent a night at the Contemporary Resort and a day at Magic Kingdom. Our time at Disney was definitely a highlight for both of us. We ate dinner at California Grill at the top of the Contemporary, rode around on the monorail, toured all the other resorts around Disney, reminisced about our first date on February 10th so many years ago, passed along all the 'hello's and 'hugs' to Mickey and Minnie from everyone, watched the fireworks over Cinderella's castle, ate at ESPN zone for lunch, and danced randomly in the lobby of the Grand Floridian. It was magical. Just as Walt Disney promised. :D

The rest of our trip in Jupiter was fantastic, too. Despite a few chilly mornings (46 is cold for FL, okay!) we enjoyed afternoons on the beach and by the pool, many delicious meals out, two movies (The Vow & Safehouse), our traditional Valentine's taco dinner and ice cream from my favorite place - Palm Beach Ice Cream. 

We returned feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to roll into March.  

OUR LITTLE VALENTINE

To our special Valentine,

Today you were going to change our lives. And even though we never got to touch you or kiss you or snuggle you, you did. Our lives were forever changed that summer day we heard your little heart beat for the first time. It was so strong. So fast. So beautiful. We fell in love with you before we even got a chance to know you. It has taken us a long time to understand that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. We know that you are God's child now and that gives us so much peace. And even though we wish you could have been ours, we have faith that day will come.

You are one of the best things that has ever happened to us. It's hard to explain - and maybe even to understand - our love for you, considering the brevity of your life. But the moment you became a part of our world, you gave us a new depth of life. It's almost as though we experience life on a deeper level now. You showed us this incredible feeling that only you could have introduced to us. We became your parents and began to dream...but no longer for us. We began to dream for you. You changed our perspective about what's important. You gave us a joy we'd never felt. You brought us closer in a way we didn't know was possible. We are so thankful for you. And when we are sad, we are sad for us, not for you. Because we started to dream for you, we had to find a way to let go of all of those dreams. It was really hard. It is really hard. But each day, we grow stronger in love. The love that you showed us was possible. It wasn't a coincidence that you were expected to grace us with your presence today. You've taught us the greatest lesson about love and we get to celebrate you every day going forward - but especially today. Happy Valentine's Day sweet angel.

You will forever be our little Valentine whom we will love, always.
Mama and Daddy