Tears of hope...

Nature's tears (one of my favorite cabin pictures)

For the last couple of months, it has been my honor to help facilitate a group of grieving adults as they face the harshness of life and the dark realities that arise after loss.  Tonight was our last structured session and as I typically do with clients or groups I work with, I walked away feeling more impacted than I ever could have imagined.  In fact, most of the time I know I learn more from my clients and groups than they could possibly learn from me.  This group was no exception.

The accumulation of loss in this particular group was tremendous. Young children, spouses, babies, siblings, parents - in tragic ways, long-drawnout circumstances, courageous battles, freak-accidents, and natural processes.  Experiences that people should never have to face, let alone all from one small town.  And as I reflect on our group process, I find myself proud to see the distance that was made in such an incredibly difficult journey of rediscovery - the rediscovery of what is important, of any sense of normalcy now that 'normal' has passed, of true happiness, of genuine joy, of understanding and of acceptance.  One of the first things that stands out to me was the shift in tears. While at one point in our journey, the tears shed together represented immense misunderstanding and hopelessness, they now represented the shared understanding and the glimmer of hope that with one moment at a time, joy may be rediscovered and felt in the memories that once offered only pain.

I was also reminded of the importance of living today and relinquishing the need to plan out tomorrow.  People grieving are often forced to live in the moment because living for tomorrow or the next day can be too much to handle.  But I often find myself busy living for tomorrow...trying to write the next chapter in my life story before the previous one has been completed.  It has been a difficult reality for me to recognize that something greater than us trumps the control we have in our lives.  But despite the confusion it brings, it has been the best and worst thing that I've realized. I think there is a parallel in the way we can process the losses we experience in our lives, especially considering we usually have very little to no control over them.  Losing someone you love is never easy but the lessons we learn and the perspective we gain can be life-changing in the best way. I am incredibly thankful for the people that have come and go in my life that have allowed me access into the depths of their emotional journeys. I have discovered so much about myself through the reflection of their experiences and the application of my own.