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| Belonging to joy. |
Friday, August 9, 2013
Friday, June 8, 2012
GRACE
This was one of my favorite shoots. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining. And there is so something special and fun about watching a baby uncover different things in our world that we often take for granted or don't even notice. Baby Gracelyn is 10-months old and she is absolutely adorable. She just started walking this week so it was very exciting capturing some of her first steps! Here are some of my favorites from her shoot.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
BABY LOVE
Meet baby Love. Adorable, I know - her last name is actually Love. She is now 1-month old and is such a beautiful and happy baby. Her parents are pretty great, too. :) Here are a few of my favorites from their shoot:
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
MY ACL SURGERY & REHAB
One week has passed since my ACL surgery. From what I hear, I'm halfway through the worst of it! It has definitely taken a one-day-at-a-time mentality to get through these 7 days.
As I've already mentioned, I tore my ACL playing basketball with some of my students. Our co-ed 3-on-3 intramural team has been undefeated for 3 years and I'm thankful to say they just brought home another championship on Sunday. :) I tore it 2 weeks before the surgery and I learned to manage it well by the time I was ready to repair it. I did my Physical Therapy exercises twice a day and was feeling really strong. The swelling was in good shape and I could see the outline of my knee again! I just happened to be rehabing the same day as the Timberwolves post-season physicals so throughout my day, I saw pretty much the whole time. It was the first time I realized I had something in common with Rubio.
Days 1-2
My surgery was first thing in the morning and as you can see, it was a beautiful sunrise in Northfield as we were heading up to the cities. I was really lucky to have had Dr. Boyd as my surgeon - he is the Vikings team surgeon and he did a fantastic job. I couldn't have been any more comfortable to be in his hands. My mom and Hadley came to visit Mike while he was waiting for me and then they escorted me out of the hospital. I don't respond very well to anesthesia so I was very groggy but I do remember them being there. It was fun to see the pictures of Mike and Hadley playing around in the post-op area. Of course Hadley brought her doll and stroller.
Because of the anesthesia, I slept for 24 hours straight. Mike was a champ and changed my ice every 20 minutes as instructed. He also woke me up to force me to take my medications but I really don't remember much of that first day. Day 2 was better as the fog lifted. I was really nauseous as I began to move around and sit up more. I also had PT that day so I needed to get up and moving for that. Mike packed me up and got me into the car to head up to see my Physical Therapist, Craig. He rocks. He knew I wasn't feeling myself but he made me push through it and he even got me putting weight on it. By the end of our session - 28 hours after my surgery - I walked gingerly out of TRIA. That was the end of my relationship with the crutches. I pretty much never had to use them. Day 2 also meant it was time to change the dressing on my knee. It was then that I saw the staples for the first time. I had no idea I would have staples - I guess I assumed I'd have stitches. Oh well. As you might be able to see in the photos, I have 2 longer incisions with 8 staples each and 3 tiny slits with just 1 staple. My pain was being managed really well so I'd say the worst part of the first 2 days were the nausea from the anesthesia and the realization of the staples. Because of course once I saw them, I felt them much more than I initially had. :)
Days 3-4
Mike deserves something amazing for how he has taken care of me. I can't even think of anything worthy of it. He forced food in me because I am not much of a post-surgery eater. He stayed home from work to keep me company. He changed my ice what felt like a million times. He kept us moving forward. Thank you, honey. I couldn't have done it without you. I also got some beautiful tulips (my favorite flower) from my mama. Love you mama, you're the best.
I got visitors!!! It was the best night ever. My in-laws came to visit - Deb, Jim, Marcus, Grandma & Grandpa made my day by coming to see how things were going. I was feeling great so they rescued me and removed me from home - something I felt I hadn't done in forever even though it was really only a matter of hours. We went to Culvers for dinner. It was great. Mike continued to bring me breakfast in bed, changed my ice and forced the medication down. By this time, I had switched to Tylenol - 2 days of Vicodin was enough. I hate that stuff. I also got Haddie pictures to keep me going! At this point, the worst things were the swelling - as you can see, I lost my knee cap somewhere under all that swelling - and the stitches. They have been getting tight and they are very uncomfortable. But again, thank goodness for Mikey - he took me on a Caribou fieldtrip and that makes everything better.
Days 5-6
My rehab has been going so well! I am getting stronger every day and I've been keeping up with Adrian as much as possible for inspiration. He has been handling his rehab so well and he gave some great advice to take one day at at time. Mike has been watching his rehab very regularly and awhile ago, he'd come home from work and tell me about Adrian's exercises or progress that day and what he did, I didn't really appreciate it as much as I do today because I didn't understand how excruciating it is. Now I know. And I think he is superhuman. Ben Leber also wished me well on Day 5 so I was feeling pretty great about my progress!! The swelling is still out of control big. I've been doing my exercises and I even rode on the stationery bike for 5 minutes! That was huge. My range of motion is difficult because of the swelling and how tight it is because of that. It's like trying to bend a jammed finger, it just doesn't work. My incisions are healing up pretty well, too.
Yesterday - Day 6 - was the worst day of this entire experience, even including the injury itself. The pain was beyond excruciating. It was hard to even lift my leg by myself. Weird, because I've been walking on my own the whole time. Part of it was my fault because I stopped taking the Tylenol. I was feeling so great and thought I didn't need it as often. I got too ahead of myself. I still have a major injury and it is going to be painful until it heals, no matter how strong I am. So, needless to say, I'm back on the Tylenol regularly and today has already been better! I'm keeping it elevated and icing as much as possible. And after a day like yesterday, Adrian's advice really comes into play. He said the first 2 weeks are the worst so I'm counting on being halfway done with the worst of it. :) I am also counting down the hours until I get my staples out. 46 hours exactly. Bring it on Dr. Boyd.
THANK YOU ALL FOR THE SUPPORT, THE AMAZING CARDS, VISITS, PHONE CALLS, MESSAGES, ETC. Even though this has been humiliating at times, I feel so blessed and I know I am going to be stronger because of it. Thank you!!
As I've already mentioned, I tore my ACL playing basketball with some of my students. Our co-ed 3-on-3 intramural team has been undefeated for 3 years and I'm thankful to say they just brought home another championship on Sunday. :) I tore it 2 weeks before the surgery and I learned to manage it well by the time I was ready to repair it. I did my Physical Therapy exercises twice a day and was feeling really strong. The swelling was in good shape and I could see the outline of my knee again! I just happened to be rehabing the same day as the Timberwolves post-season physicals so throughout my day, I saw pretty much the whole time. It was the first time I realized I had something in common with Rubio.
Days 1-2
My surgery was first thing in the morning and as you can see, it was a beautiful sunrise in Northfield as we were heading up to the cities. I was really lucky to have had Dr. Boyd as my surgeon - he is the Vikings team surgeon and he did a fantastic job. I couldn't have been any more comfortable to be in his hands. My mom and Hadley came to visit Mike while he was waiting for me and then they escorted me out of the hospital. I don't respond very well to anesthesia so I was very groggy but I do remember them being there. It was fun to see the pictures of Mike and Hadley playing around in the post-op area. Of course Hadley brought her doll and stroller.
Because of the anesthesia, I slept for 24 hours straight. Mike was a champ and changed my ice every 20 minutes as instructed. He also woke me up to force me to take my medications but I really don't remember much of that first day. Day 2 was better as the fog lifted. I was really nauseous as I began to move around and sit up more. I also had PT that day so I needed to get up and moving for that. Mike packed me up and got me into the car to head up to see my Physical Therapist, Craig. He rocks. He knew I wasn't feeling myself but he made me push through it and he even got me putting weight on it. By the end of our session - 28 hours after my surgery - I walked gingerly out of TRIA. That was the end of my relationship with the crutches. I pretty much never had to use them. Day 2 also meant it was time to change the dressing on my knee. It was then that I saw the staples for the first time. I had no idea I would have staples - I guess I assumed I'd have stitches. Oh well. As you might be able to see in the photos, I have 2 longer incisions with 8 staples each and 3 tiny slits with just 1 staple. My pain was being managed really well so I'd say the worst part of the first 2 days were the nausea from the anesthesia and the realization of the staples. Because of course once I saw them, I felt them much more than I initially had. :)
Days 3-4
Mike deserves something amazing for how he has taken care of me. I can't even think of anything worthy of it. He forced food in me because I am not much of a post-surgery eater. He stayed home from work to keep me company. He changed my ice what felt like a million times. He kept us moving forward. Thank you, honey. I couldn't have done it without you. I also got some beautiful tulips (my favorite flower) from my mama. Love you mama, you're the best.
I got visitors!!! It was the best night ever. My in-laws came to visit - Deb, Jim, Marcus, Grandma & Grandpa made my day by coming to see how things were going. I was feeling great so they rescued me and removed me from home - something I felt I hadn't done in forever even though it was really only a matter of hours. We went to Culvers for dinner. It was great. Mike continued to bring me breakfast in bed, changed my ice and forced the medication down. By this time, I had switched to Tylenol - 2 days of Vicodin was enough. I hate that stuff. I also got Haddie pictures to keep me going! At this point, the worst things were the swelling - as you can see, I lost my knee cap somewhere under all that swelling - and the stitches. They have been getting tight and they are very uncomfortable. But again, thank goodness for Mikey - he took me on a Caribou fieldtrip and that makes everything better.
Days 5-6
My rehab has been going so well! I am getting stronger every day and I've been keeping up with Adrian as much as possible for inspiration. He has been handling his rehab so well and he gave some great advice to take one day at at time. Mike has been watching his rehab very regularly and awhile ago, he'd come home from work and tell me about Adrian's exercises or progress that day and what he did, I didn't really appreciate it as much as I do today because I didn't understand how excruciating it is. Now I know. And I think he is superhuman. Ben Leber also wished me well on Day 5 so I was feeling pretty great about my progress!! The swelling is still out of control big. I've been doing my exercises and I even rode on the stationery bike for 5 minutes! That was huge. My range of motion is difficult because of the swelling and how tight it is because of that. It's like trying to bend a jammed finger, it just doesn't work. My incisions are healing up pretty well, too.
Yesterday - Day 6 - was the worst day of this entire experience, even including the injury itself. The pain was beyond excruciating. It was hard to even lift my leg by myself. Weird, because I've been walking on my own the whole time. Part of it was my fault because I stopped taking the Tylenol. I was feeling so great and thought I didn't need it as often. I got too ahead of myself. I still have a major injury and it is going to be painful until it heals, no matter how strong I am. So, needless to say, I'm back on the Tylenol regularly and today has already been better! I'm keeping it elevated and icing as much as possible. And after a day like yesterday, Adrian's advice really comes into play. He said the first 2 weeks are the worst so I'm counting on being halfway done with the worst of it. :) I am also counting down the hours until I get my staples out. 46 hours exactly. Bring it on Dr. Boyd.
THANK YOU ALL FOR THE SUPPORT, THE AMAZING CARDS, VISITS, PHONE CALLS, MESSAGES, ETC. Even though this has been humiliating at times, I feel so blessed and I know I am going to be stronger because of it. Thank you!!
Friday, May 4, 2012
RACE SEASON
It is officially race season and last Thursday I signed up for a big one. It's a different kind of race, though. It's not the kind where you get a medal at the end of 26.2 miles. It's a similar training process, including a lot of hard work, determination, sweat and maybe even occasional tears. It is a marathon of rehab and pardon the pun, but I'm a knee deep in it.
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| This is a MRI that shows a torn ACL. The ACL should be a thick black band (appearing as dark as the PCL) that connects the femur and tibia. Unfortunately, my ACL looks just like the one in the picture. I have a complete tear in the R knee. Oops. |
I tore my ACL playing basketball last Thursday night. I knew right away that it was gone. In all my years of playing basketball, I never really had a knee injury but as soon as it happened, I knew. It's a terrible feeling of instability. Almost as if my lower leg became disconnected to the upper leg and I couldn't operate them together. Uh, man. It was terrible. So, my marathon of rehab is underway.
I've been doing physical therapy every day to prepare for the surgery. They say the stronger you are before the surgery, the better you'll be after. The shenanigans happened last Thursday and by Sunday, I was off the crutches and out of my brace. On Wednesday, I biked on a stationary bike and yesterday I went a whole mile! I know it seems silly. I burned a total of 30 calories on the bike and it feels almost ridiculous. But just as the first few runs training for a full race seem insignificant, by the end, they are the stepping stones for getting up to 10, 15 and eventually 26 miles. Every step in this journey is an important part and I'm learning in my marathon of rehab, I can't skip any of them.
My surgery is on Wednesday and the Lord has put me in great hands. The Vikings team surgeon (Dr. Boyd) is doing my repair and he has done a million of these things. I have a tremendous amount of confidence in him and he has put me at ease through all of this. I am getting an allograft repair, which means I am receiving an ACL from a donor. One has to be 30 years of age or younger at the time of death for their ACL to be donated. It is a sobering thought. But one that has helped me keep all of this in perspective. I have been so incredibly blessed through all this experience. It's just a knee and it can be fixed. And without trying to sound too dramatic but also really expressing my true appreciation for the opportunity to be healed, I will say that I am genuinely thankful for whoever's ligament is about to reconstruct my knee. I can't imagine the pain his or her family has felt from their loss and I'll never know their story, but I am going to be able to run again because they decided to check that little box on their drivers license application that says Organ Donor. And for that, and all of the other people that have received more important and life-saving organs, I am incredibly grateful.
This is a marathon that I am approaching one day at a time. So for today and tomorrow, I will continue to work hard to build my strength and I will avoid anymore youtube videos that show ACL repairs. (That was a terrible mistake watching that today. I do NOT recommend it.)
I am in great hands. Thanks for all the support so far. I feel so deeply blessed.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
GOD IS EVERYWHERE
This time, I don't know exactly what inspired me to pick up my Haiti journal. I wasn't on an organizing spree, I wasn't packing to move or doing anything that I typically do when I come across it. I guess I just needed a reminder of why my experiences have been written in stone in my heart. God has an incredible way of working in my life and I came across an entry that spoke to a recent conversation I've been having lately about faith. So, I wanted to share this experience from my trip that I haven't yet and explain how it has continued to broaden my perspective. I hope you can feel even a sliver of what this experience felt like for me.
June 12, 2010
It has been a steady stream of internal tears today. It's that lump in my throat that hasn't evolved into the salty kind that are shed. But it is a sadness that is internally overwhelming. I am so ashamed to admit that I have been questioning whether or not God is here. I have seen things that I might never be able to explain or express to anyone that hasn't seen it with their own eyes. A devastation that doesn't have words. An unfair, living disaster. As I may have already mentioned, evidence of 'belief' in God is everywhere - written on the Tap Taps [Haitian Taxis], expressed through the smiles and innocence of the children, painted in murals...it really is everywhere you look. But seriously, I am so mad that God would allow this to happen to these people. They are incredible. If I can only take away one thing from this experience it is the Haitian spirit. It comes with this unconditional joy that you cannot create, you just have it or you don't. And I haven't met many Haitians who lack it. I hope that it rubs off on me. So, why? WHY have you allowed this to happen, Lord? I don't understand. These are good people. Why doesn't anyone else seem as mad as I am? Is it because they don't truly believe in you? How can You reconcile this with them? I can't...and I don't even live it every day. Show me, Lord.
That was a Saturday afternoon. I remember exactly where I was sitting when I wrote that. And I remember exactly how that lump felt. And what transpired the next day was nothing less than an answer from God to the questions I wildly and angrily threw at Him. This was my entry from Sunday afternoon...almost 24 later.
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| A beautiful sculpture in the middle of downtown. (Not a church) |
June 13th, 2010
Wow. I'm speechless. So I am going to write this instead. Or at least try. I had no idea when I woke up this morning that I would feel this way right now. Hours ago, I woke up to the sun and the sound of little kids laughing as they chased their soccer ball around the dirt. I climbed over Bonnie and out our tent. I grabbed my tooth brush, paste and bottle of water to brush my teeth. I awkwardly exchanged smiles and 'good morning's with Tyler as his mouth was full of soapy bristles, too. We laughed. And drooled. And laughed again. As I returned to our tent, Shannon, Emma, and Bonnie were rising and getting ready for church. One of the gentlemen who has been helping us translate in our missions asked if we wanted to join him. He is super great and we were all excited to see what it was like. What we just experienced was incredible. I don't even know where to begin.
It took us about an hour to walk to the church. And it's hot today. Like hot hot. As we arrived, I didn't even realize we had made it. From the outside, it looked nothing like a church. I don't know what I was expecting, but whatever it was, I wasn't expecting that. We went down three dirt steps and entered the open-air room. The first thing that hit me was how amazing everyone looked. It was more than just what they were wearing but that is what struck me right away. The men were in suits, many of which didn't match, and the ladies were wearing their nicest dresses. But their clothes were SO clean! It was amazing. I don't know how they do that!! But more importantly than their bright whites, everyone looked amazingly happy. God filled, happy. It was as if they were completely oblivious to the realities that surrounded us for those moments. It was pure joy at the most authentic level - a kind of joy I've never seen. And after awhile, I realized that they weren't oblivious at all. They knew exactly what was happening out the door and up those three steps. But they were still joyful to have this time to praise God.
The three hour service was in Creole but I heard every word. And despite our language barrier, I felt EVERYTHING. The joy. The hope. The love. The thanks. Everything they felt was so clear and so strong. The way that they expressed their thanks to God is something I hope I never forget. The love and kindness they shared with one another was beautiful. Like, bring-you-to-tears-beautiful. They are truly one big family here. It's not like going to church at home where you can clearly distinguish who belongs to who. Down here, they are all one. In church, I kept seeing babies passed around among the women. They were all taking their turn, blessing the baby and showing that they would help raise and protect it. They were nonverbally reminding one another that no matter what happens, they are in this fight together. It was amazing. I have never seen anything like it.
I can't believe I was so angry with God yesterday because of these circumstances and here the Haitians are praising Him with all their heart. What is my problem?! The way these incredible people are able to see the light even through the darkness is inspirational. I have been forever changed by what I witnessed and realized today. I thought I came here to make a small difference but what I am figuring out is that the biggest difference being made is within me. And it is all because of these phenomenal human beings.
God is everywhere. I was crazy for questioning whether He is here because it was just proven to me. God is IN us. He has given the people here a sense of joy that I've never seen before. I am almost ashamed to admit I've felt sorry for them because they certainly don't feel sorry for themselves. They are some of the happiest people I've ever seen. And yes, there has been tragedy here. And yes, they've felt that. But there is something spiritual going on that is beyond our capacity. God is here and it has been a life-changing experience to see it. God is everywhere. He is in us. He is around us. He is among us. He is everywhere. Even here.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
CREATED TO FLY
"Pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly. And if it's left unresolved for very long, you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place." Wm. Paul Young
Pain in one of those things in life that does not discriminate. And while it may be one thing we all have in common, how we get through it seems to differ. I came across this quote in the book that I'm reading and it reminded me of a couple really important lessons about pain. I hesitated sharing anything except the quote because I don't want to distract it's message but here are a few quick thoughts.
It is okay to embrace it and let it sink in for awhile. My experiences have taught me that it is so important to face it, meet it, shake it's hand and welcome it in for a little bit. Get to know it, hear where it came from and figure out the best way to show it to the door. Pretending the wounds that it creates aren't there or aren't as deep as they truly are, only invites it to settle in for one more cup of tea and a longer stay. It is so important to allow ourselves to feel. And to acknowledge that it hurts. Sometimes real bad. But it becomes dangerous when we do not ask it to leave - when it's temporary stay becomes more of a permanent fixture in our lives. We were created to fly. And even if it takes help from outside sources - friends, family, God, time, whatever - we will fly if we choose to. We need to feel it in order to find our ground so that we can take the leap. And as we take the leap, the pain is actually what gives us the strength to soar. Sometimes to places we never imagined.
It is okay to embrace it and let it sink in for awhile. My experiences have taught me that it is so important to face it, meet it, shake it's hand and welcome it in for a little bit. Get to know it, hear where it came from and figure out the best way to show it to the door. Pretending the wounds that it creates aren't there or aren't as deep as they truly are, only invites it to settle in for one more cup of tea and a longer stay. It is so important to allow ourselves to feel. And to acknowledge that it hurts. Sometimes real bad. But it becomes dangerous when we do not ask it to leave - when it's temporary stay becomes more of a permanent fixture in our lives. We were created to fly. And even if it takes help from outside sources - friends, family, God, time, whatever - we will fly if we choose to. We need to feel it in order to find our ground so that we can take the leap. And as we take the leap, the pain is actually what gives us the strength to soar. Sometimes to places we never imagined.
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